function number($x) {
  if ($x==1) return "one"; 
  if ($x==2) return "two"; 
  if ($x==3) return "three";
  if ($x==4) return "four"; 
  if ($x==5) return "five"; 
  if ($x==6) return "six";
  if ($x==7) return "seven"; 
  if ($x==8) return "eight"; 
  if ($x==9) return "nine";
  if ($x==10) return "ten"; 
  if ($x==11) return "eleven"; 
  if ($x==12) return "twelve";
  return $x; //default
}
function ishtime($h,$m) {
  if ($m<=3 || $m>57) return $h." o'clock";
  if ($m<=7)  return "five past ".$h;
  if ($m<=12) return "ten past ".$h;
  if ($m<=17) return "a quarter past ".$h;
  if ($m<=23) return "twenty past ".$h;
  if ($m<=28) return "twenty-five past ".$h;
  if ($m<=33) return "half past ".$h;
  if ($m<=38) return "twenty-five to ".$h;
  if ($m<=43) return "twenty to ".$h;
  if ($m<=48) return "a quarter to ".$h;
  if ($m<=53) return "ten to ".$h;
  if ($m<=58) return "five to ".$h;
  return "$h:$m"; // should be never reached?
}
function daytime($h) {
  if (!$h || $h>21) return " at night";
  if ($h<12) return " in the morning";
  if ($h<=17) return " in the afternoon";
  return " in the evening"; // default
}
function ish() {
  $h = date('G'); 
  $m = date('i');
  $z = daytime($h);
  $h = $h % 12; // fix to 12 hour clock
  if ($m>57 && date('s')>30) $m++; // round seconds
  if ($m>60) $m=0; // round up minutes
  if ($m>33) $h++; // round up hours
  if ($h>12)  $h = 1; // the clock turns round..
  if ($h==0) $h = 12;
  return "It's now about ".ishtime($h,$m).$z.".";
}
return ish();